11 Tips for Managers


1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and then
bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.


2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.


3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.


4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have
been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase.
I'm not here for the money anyway.


5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which the priority
is. I like being a psychic.


6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.


7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.


8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations. I was born to be whipped.


9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.


10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.


11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to
know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to
pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good
manager.

Prison Vs Work


IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 8 X 10 cell


AT WORK you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle


IN PRISON you get three meals a day


AT WORK you only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.


IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior


AT WORK you get rewarded for good behavior with more work


IN PRISON a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you


AT WORK you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the
doors yourself


IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games


AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.


IN PRISON you get your own toilet


AT WORK you have to share.


IN PRISON they allow your friends and family to visit.


AT WORK you cannot even speak to your friends and family unless on a break
(when your eating your 1 meal)


IN PRISON all expenses are paid by tax payers with no work required.


AT WORK you pay all expenses to go to work and they deduct taxes to pay for
prisoners.


IN PRISON you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside
wanting to get out


AT WORK you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside the
bars.


IN PRISON there are wardens who are often sadistic.


AT WORK they are called managers.


IN PRISON you have unlimited time to read email jokes.


AT WORK you get fired if you get caught.


Now Get Back To Work!

try this

Try to solve this problem.......


Don't give it up so easily.


Best of Luck ..............


IF
1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?


Think.......


Scroll down for Answer


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Answer is 1


Are you thinking too much?
Going off the track?
Do not keep forgetting the history!


Remember the first line? 1=5?


THE MORAL IS ..........


Don't complicate simple problems.... :-) :-) :-)

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction
disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications
equipment.


Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's
position.


The pilot saw a tall building, flew towards it, circled, and held up a
handwritten sign in large letters - "WHERE AM I?"


People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large
sign, and held it in a building window.


"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."


The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, found his directions, and flew
to Seattle airport safely.


The co-pilot asked "How did you manage to find your way?". Pilot said "I
knew that tall building had to be MICROSOFT, because they gave me an answer
that was technically correct but completely useless"

intelligent questions

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?
5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
8. Why is it called building when it is already built?
9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking
lots?
11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
he become disoriented?
12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ??
13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this??